Poetry , night and day.

Will my words ever express my feelings fully?
Will the silent pain of my love ever knock on your heart?
Will you let me flow these palms full of flowers on yourself?
Knew that love is God, and I sought it night and day.

Creativity and poetry in full flow these days. I don’t know how this happened. I remember an experience when I wrote my first poetry and how I felt about it. It was nothing that I did. I was just an instrument and the creator was someone else. The result was a divine experience of supreme bliss as the lines were being given out one after another. I wrote two poetries in past few days. Love seems to be the theme, which is getting expressed more and more.

Today, I went to Ponda to meet Dr Sarjyotishi. The discussion was satisfactory and I am happy, I have made yet another high profile contact. Seems like, if it clicks it can give me a real push. Maintenance management term work is still to be done and like always it will be a huge load in the end. How can I conquer my habit of procrastination?

After so many days of waiting I finally got the precious song that I was looking out for. As I was returning from Ponda I listened to it at least 12 times. I should send this song to all my poet friends and make them appreciate the poetry of khyaam.

When You Say Nothing At All

I was listening to the melodious songs of Lata as I was travelling to Panjim. under the sun she is undoubtedly the queen of indian film music then I remembered a nice song of Boyzone . I can atleast remember nice poetries if I can't write at the moment.

When You Say Nothing At All

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall
You say it best..when you say nothing at all

All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Try as they may they can never define
What's been said between your heart and mine

You say it best when you say nothing at all
You say it best when you say nothing at all..

The smile on your face
The truth in your eyes
The touch of your hand
Let's me know that you need me..

You say it best when you say nothing at all
You say it best when you say nothing at all..

The test of love is indeed difficult to pass.It's the subtlest ,the most intense and the most demanding feeling that a human can ever develop in his heart.In a way practical, gross and superficial peole are much more happy in this regard. They do not feel anything.It's the sensitive who suffer , and boy they really suffer like crazy.
But lucky are those who get such love in their life . they are the chosen few who are gifted with such treasures by the lord , that he himself menisfests in their life through love.

Just Another Day

Not writing the blog doesn’t seem to be easy. This is the only place I talk to the only person who understands me.

I received my senior scale promotion today. Something which I have been waiting for a long time. But when I received it, I did not feel much happy. It seemed like a petty joy.

In the morning ,I went to the college for extra lectures. Most of the students were present. My lectures went on from 9.30 am till 1.30 am .After a long time I found myself so engrossed in lectures and felt a little relieved and relaxed. Felt like I went into a trans like state.

Remembered Girish a lot today .He is one person, who is so warm and affectionate. We have so much in common. I love to see his eyes filled with tears as we read and enjoy poetry or a song together.

Poetry wasn’t much happy with me today and I don’t want to force her either. Let creativity flow through, when she feels like.Thats it for today.

Oasis

Who am I? A desert traveler?

As for centuries have I walked in these sands, in scorching sun and blistering heat.

I walked and walked till my summer’s end

An oasis was it with promises ever so tempting

With a call ever so true

Where the Morning breeze of faithfulness flew kissing my cheeks

Where the green green affection made me moist with love

When the nights brought hopes of loving tomorrows

And the spirited days began …… forgetting myself

Love all around celebrating the chemistry so soulful

And I knew for sure I was to stay here

For all times for all days in the sweet embrace of green grace

In the dark hours of night than came a voice

A voice so different from the music of oasis

Oh traveler dare not stay here for too long!

This is not your home,tis a home for those special !

You are a desert vagabond and not an oasis dweller

Out you go, to walk in the sands cause that is your home for real

Heart tore, tears flew and the desert traveler was much in pain

With wounded palms and crippled legs how will I get up again?

But I know as the voice rings in my heart

“This is not your home,tis a home for those special !”

That I was no more than what I was, a desert traveler again.

I love my sands I love the heat and I know I have no more pain to meet

Pull myself, pull me in, small and small as much I can

Till I become a grain as small as the one of sand

Ages pass and the traveler became sand himself.

May death be thy vehicle....

I know that pain is the mother of poetry

“If I meet death on my way, My Lord!

Give my limbs the strength to crawl to your temple.

So that I may lay my head on thy feet.

And breathe my last.

If I meet death on my way, My Lord!

May a cobbler find my body

And convert my skin into foot wear,

For a devotee to wear and walk to thy temple.

If I meet death on my way, My Lord

Make my soul shed my body,

Near a hospital of eyes

And my sight be transferred to a blind boy to see thee through my eyes.

If I meet death on my way, My Lord

May I fall near a colony of poor,

Strip me off my belongings through their hands,

And their children, who are thy messengers, thy angels,

Be fed, be dressed.

If I meet death on my way, My Lord

Thrash my body into pieces, turn it into ashes, and spread them all over,

Let them embrace thy creation, thy beautiful creation.

But before you make many out of me,

May I ask you a favor?

For a moment if you can,

Hold my heart in your hands,

And feel how much

My heart, wounded in thousand ways and disowned by every soul,

Longed for you, wept for you, all my life.”

A poetry whose quality I am not very sure of but I feel a little relieved.
Urdu poetry that I am listening to, teaches me how to cherish pain, and love it as my most precious possession. I don’t have much to say today. Don’t feel like reading Gitanjali either. Just feel like withdrawing myself like a snail. Bye my sweet self.

Face to face with the Lord

Sunday the 17^th April 2005

I got up at 7.30 today and some how got stuck to the computer after my breakfast. I spent hours learning the operation of digital camera and finally was able to use it with much proficiency. In the evening, I went with Baba and Aparna to Pedne. It was a visit to Nadkarni estate. I clicked a few good snaps. Today the camera was my sweetheart. I carried it all over. End of the day was sweet as I went with Shobha’s family for dinner in Green Park. Aparna got her A grade certificates in counselling and guidance. And a long struggle against injustice finally came to a sweet end.

Where is my Gitanjali? Ohhh here she is. She is my mother talking the poetical form.

“I ask for a moment's indulgence to sit by thy side. The works that I have in hand I will finish afterwards.

Away from the sight of thy face my heart knows no rest nor respite, and my work becomes an endless toil in a shoreless sea of toil.

Today the summer has come at my window with its sighs and murmurs; and the bees are plying their minstrelsy at the court of the flowering grove.

Now it is time to sit quite, face to face with thee, and to sing dedication of live in this silent and overflowing leisure.”

Life without love for the lord is useless .Lord’s love is the sweetest thing that can happen to a human being. It’s nectar whose thirst just goes on increasing as you drink it. I want more and more of it in my life.Tagorji you were a saint. I now feel like bringing your huge portrait and keeping it in my room so that I can sit at your feet and learn , How to live.

Love of my life

Saturday the 16^th April 16, 2005

Finally the moment that I was waiting for, has come. My camera has arrived. And as I am just learning how to use it with it’s multiplicity of functions, I get excited with the options that it provides. For the next few days I may even sleep with the camera. I shall capture the whole world in my camera, process the pictures, shoot movies and clips and lots and lots more.

Today, I had a long chat with my friend . We spoke so eagerly about many things. She has injected into me this desire to go to the society and offer some help to the needy. I feel the central thing in living a good life is giving and serving. Service and sacrifice have lots of joy and happiness in store for those who perform them. More so without any expectation. No wonder today my heart is filled with a feeling of gratitude towards the society and I feel like I should now give something back.

“Life of my life, I shall ever try to keep my body pure, knowing that thy living touch is upon all my limbs.

I shall ever try to keep all untruths out from my thoughts, knowing that thou art that truth which has kindled the light of reason in my mind.

I shall ever try to drive all evils away from my heart and keep my love in flower, knowing that thou hast thy seat in the inmost shrine of my heart.

And it shall be my endeavor to reveal thee in my actions, knowing it is thy power gives me strength to act.”

This body is thy temple oh lord and I, thy worshipper. It’s my holy duty to keep this temple clean and pleasant. So that you may feel ever happy to be in my temple. Cause if you choose to leave my temple, I would lose the greatest opportunity that you have ever given me, the opportunity of human birth.

Bye buddy. Remember life is full of surprises and most of them aren’t good. Face them, take them as challenges and be a warrior.

You say it best when you say nothing at all.

15^th April 2005

You say it best when you say nothing at all. I love this Boy Zone lyrics. This is more in tune with Indian culture. In the west, people express themselves so explicitly. One hardly finds an Indian husband saying “I love you” to his wife. But he does say it non- verbally in so many ways. I never heard my father saying that to my mother. I remember an Indian woman who served her husband considering him her lord. In the final few moments of her life she asked her husband to let her sleep on his lap and breathe her last. What great culture is this. I feel words tend to grossify feelings. Feelings are best expressed through non- verbal expressions, through eyes, smiles and tears.

I gave my car for fitting a CD stereo . My long standing dream will come true today evening. I am also happy that I woke up early as I had decided earlier and meditated for about 45 mins. Fulfilling one’s resolutions feels good.

Gitanjali time again

“I know not how thou singest, my master! I ever listen in silent amazement.

The light of thy music illumines the world. The life breath of thy music runs from sky to sky. The holy stream of thy music breaks through all stony obstacles and rushes on.

My heart longs to join in thy song, but vainly struggles for a voice. I would speak, but speech breaks not into song, and I cry out baffled. Ah, thou hast made my heart captive in the endless meshes of thy music, my master!”

All music comes from the Lord. This whole world is infact his manifestation. No doubt we struggle in vain for voice. But the voice has to be granted by him. Only then will it merge into his. Till then it’s just a baffled cry. Yet the charm of his music will ever pull us towards him.

Rising up again

14^th April 2005, Wednesday

I can feel some sprinklings of joy and excitement in my life now, as I have finally decided to buy a high class DSC P100 Sony digital camera and a class I Pioneer car stereo with a facility to play all the mp3 formats. I can now make my travel much more enjoyable as I’ll get to listen to the kind of songs that I like .Specially country music. As I travel I can take some halts and take some pictures and send them to my online albums so that my friends can see them. I am also thinking of making some learning media aids for manufacturing process. So lots of good times to come.

I think I should proactively try to rejuvenate my relations and friendships. I hope there is a lot to share and care, with out becoming over expectant and demanding. I think I should work towards making friendships a truly fulfilling ones.

Thinking of Gitanjali again. I think these bunch of poems are going to guide me through my tough times. Considering my nature to get impressed very soon, I hope I don’t end up visiting Shanti Niketan

“When thou commandest me to sing it seems that my heart would break with pride; and I look to thy face, and tears come to my eyes.

All that is harsh and dissonant in my life melts into one sweet harmony---and my adoration spreads wings like a glad bird on its flight across the sea.

I know thou takest pleasure in my singing. I know that only as a singer I come before thy presence.

I touch by the edge of the far-spreading wing of my song thy feet which I could never aspire to reach.

Drunk with the joy of singing I forget myself and call thee friend who art my lord”

I liked the last two stanzas. Poetry and music can take one closer to God .I have myself experienced this divine feeling when my poem was born. The feeling is great as now my first album is going to be released. I could never think of achieving this feat. Though I always knew I had musical talent I had never imagined that I would one day compose music and the likes of Milind Ingle would sing my songs.

I just pray to God to keep me in such creative moods for longer periods of time. The feeling of oneness with something higher is ever so addicting.

Thou hast made me endless..

Wednesday the 13^th april 2005

Just thought of reading GITANJALI. It always gives me solace .

“Thou hast made me endless, such is thy pleasure. This frail vessel thou emptiest again and again, and fillest it ever with fresh life.

This little flute of a reed thou hast carried over hills and dales, and hast breathed through it melodies eternally new.

At the immortal touch of thy hands my little heart loses its limits in joy and gives birth to utterance ineffable.

Thy infinite gifts come to me only on these very small hands of mine. Ages pass, and still thou pourest, and still there is room to fill.”

Wonderful Indeed are these words. I think if we can consider and feel ourselves as the instruments in the hands of the lord, we will be freed from all pains and sufferings. Life then becomes a divine song in itself. There is no one as beautiful as the Lord. There is no one as praiseworthy as the Lord. And singing Lord’s glories gives me immense joy and satisfaction.

Visit to Pig Iron Plant

Tuesday the 12^th April

This day was very eventful. Though I reached late for lecture, the lecture was good. Indeed good preparation for lecture can give profound satisfaction during the lecture. Infact, I should now think of laying maximum stress on effectiveness in lecture as it gives immense professional satisfaction. It is also quite nice to see the students satisfied and with sparks in their eyes.

We than went for a field visit to SEZA GOA Pig Iron Plant. I visited the plant for the first time. I had never ever imagined such gigantic furnaces, boilers, turbines and DG sets. It was a wonderful experience.

Oflate the tolerance and gentleness is getting evaporated out of my personality. I seem to use the weapons of words very effectively and from within I feel I am just being common. I am getting stripped off my pseudo spirituality. I may now realize how common a man I am and perhaps true spiritual practice will start from there.

I came home early and slept for about 3 hours and then went with aparna for shopping.